The Phone Call Home

So there would be no shower. Kim would come soon. All that was left was to call home. You can not call directly from the phone in our room. And when the power is out, you can not call from the phone at all. I sent KB down to his home accross the court yard (pictured) to dial Jason for me. I just had to know what happened in court and knew that it would be about time that he should know.

For those of you that don't know, my daughters are not yet adopted. I use that term as a vow of optimism, but they are foster children and I just believe that 3.5 years into being blessed with the older of the siblings, that it is a matter of when and not if. After all, the hearing that I was calling to get more information on was a pre-termination hearing. If all went well, I would have so much to celebrate and a high likelyhood of an adoption in the coming few months.

My room phone buzzes. KB puts me through. Jason is happy to hear I am there and safe. I am so happy to share with him of my safe arrival. Small talk is fast and I get to the point. What happened in court?! I say it with anticipation of what I just KNEW was finally coming... and he hesitates. My heart sank. He didn't even have to say it. I was ready to vomit. I sank to the floor and fought back the tears. I couldn't fight them back for long. How was it that there was STILL no good news to be had.

It wasn't just a lack of good news, it was a deliverance of bad news. The pretermination case plan has been changed. The prosecutor no longer feels that he can ask the courts to sever the parental rights and we are back where we started with having to re-establish cause for severance. I sobbed. I tried to keep it together knowing that every minute we were on the phone was costing $1 at this point... what more was there to say? Nothing. We hung up.

I layed down in my unusual bed of 4 inch foam and no box spring. I cried until I fell asleep knowing that once Kim got there, she would give me the hug I much needed. This rocked me to the core. I was tired, dirty, hungry, and weak. And none of it even mattered to me at that moment...