Netza Wasn't the Only Jewel

After my brief meeting with Netza (AKA, Nettie), I wound down the marble steps to a basement. Right in front of the steps was a rug with the pre-walkers on it. They looked up to me with blank faces. To the left of them were the young walkers all lined up in plastic chairs. Again, looking at me with blank stares. Behind them were the preschoolers, and the far wall lined up the real school aged kids. I knelt to the carpet of the little tots in front of me. Their stares softened to curiousity and the welcoming began.

I pulled a packet of stickers from my bag. The video camera was now put away. A vibrant young girl wearing a bright red Christmas sweater stood up and pulled my face to her saying "Hello, Mommy." She was beaming. A few more stood up and before I knew it, I had older kids helping me to pass out stickers and real mob of pre-walkers crawling on parts of me that I didn't know existed! They were all cute. All special. I thought them to play "peek-a-boo". They laughed and from that point on, would initiate play each time they saw me fresh. My heart melted for each one. Each one had a story... A story I was never told but that moved me all the same. They were orphans. They all had lost all that mattered most. They had pain like no child should ever have, and yet found joy in just the touch a woman they would all call "mamma". That is what they longed for and did not have. My heart was filled with mixed feelings... I was enjoying each of them for the spirit that they brought and the laughter they brought out of me. And yet my heart hurt for each of them as well.

One child cried most of the time I was there. She just wanted to be held. She would quiet when I held her and fuss again when left to be. She was new to the orphanage and in need of a lot. She was emotionally very unsettled and physically, very, very weak. When picked up, her limbs would go limp. And yet when she looked into my eyes I saw a really beauty inside of her. A sadness that seemed at least for the moment, to be ok. I loved her. I connected to her. My heart broke for her as I saw a bit of my own child from home in her. I knew the struggles this child would have and knew that this child's would even be greater.

And there was a boy I have so now named "Puss N Boots" from the cat in Shrek. All the children had piled onto me and pulled at my camera and face for attention. This boy stayed to the back. He inched my direction but refused to participate in the chaos. He didn't want to fight for my attention. He looked up to me, chin down and BIG brown eyes lifted. No smile... His eyes spoke volumes saying "Please value me enough to reach to me and NOT make me fight for you. See me. " I reached down to him and spoke in a soft and reassuring voice. His stoic face broke into an easy smile. He was validated and the validation did not leave his face. He was content to go onto his business with that.

I can not post pictures of these children because they are not yet adopted. I wish I could. I wish you could see their faces. I wish you could see the joy that just being with them brought. All of the children had an energy when we left that they did not have when we came. The touch of a new hand, the love for them that they could see in us was caught. They knew they were valued if only for a moment. It felt amazing to be with them. I felt SO HONORED to have had that moment in their lives. I have not had a day go by since that I have not thought about them and prayed for them.