The Perfect, Imperfect Puzzle.

As you all know, we are in the process of adopting 3 children and have already adopted one. They are all such HUGE blessings in our life adding spice and sugar to just about everything we do or touch. Not a day goes by that I don't take a minute to thank the Lord for our children. And yet our children, as most everyone calls the kids they raise in their home, are not just ours. Each of our children has a second set of parents that they are not raised by. These other parents are some of the most important people in their lives, owing life itself to this mom and dad. And yet in the case of 2 of my children, they do not even know their dad. In the case of the other two, they fear their dad. In the case of all, they unconditionally love their birth mom and feel forever connected to her.

Today we met Celia's grandma, aunt, and aunt's boyfriend at the park today for a visit (about the 5th one now). As Celia's adoption nears, it was time to prepare Grandma, especially, for the fact that all of us were to soon be connected in a permanent and important way. Our family is growing not by one child, but by one whole other family, full of mostly strangers to us. And of course, it is scary. These are strangers that have both helped and hurt MY DAUGHTER over the years. There is healing that Celia needs to do with her family, and fond and fun memories that are yet to be made. All of it being governed by a relationship between Jason and I and the bio family. Tears rolled down the face of Grandma as we talked about Celia's future. She is in favor of the adoption, yet sad for the lack of ability she had to prevent her from coming into foster care and concerned for the other 2 siblings not out of relative care. The complexity of it all weighs heavily on her heart, and on mine. Celia's inability to cope has her indifferent to it by appearance, but certainly her short speech has me convinced that it weighs equally on her.

Grandma brought tons of pictures to the visit. Pictures of Celia smiling as she wore her best dress for her first birthday. Pictures of the dogs, cousins, siblings, bio mom and aunt. Many memories were placed on the picnic table for us all to see. No picture would be mistaken for a picture that would come from yours or my home- with the rooms being more cluttery and carpet stained more than unstained. Grandma's love for them was and is evident. The method, just different.

I wonder how to sort my feelings, Celia's feelings, the difficult relationship between the one caring for her siblings and Grandma... what Celia wants vs. what is best for her. It is not easy. Her bio mom is about to come back into the picture in 5 months with the power to heal or hurt her from her current state. It is more power than Mom can know and how will she handle it when she doesn't even know she has it? How will Celia respond to all that Mom is capable of giving.

Adoption is not easy. There are pieces to the puzzle of your child's life that are hard to fit together. Pieces missing. Pieces torn and tattered. But not unlike a well loved puzzle that hours and hours were poured into creating, this puzzle is worth the end result. The character created by such trials, history, and pains has more potential to be supreme than any other. The growth, the depth that is required for survival alone is hard for you or I to imagine. And too big for a young child to even know how to handle. I pray that in time, we can guide this depth, this empowerment to do great things for herself. To honor the Lord with her life, to rise above the pain and past to be a light in the future. I pray... oh, I pray, that in the end, all this diffuculty will result in one young woman who knows who she is and who she serves. Please stand in prayer with me as this journey is long and hard for us all.

It was a good visit. It was a good day. I feel so blessed to be in this struggle.