The Bikes

Cole, Lexi, and Abby all got bicycles for their Christmas gifts from us. Cole and LExi's bikes are 16" and Abby's is a 12". They are super cute with their little training wheels. COle was excited to sit on it but knowing how to make it go was a whole new thing. The tricycles always allowed him to use his feet to propel the trike like a Flinstone car instead of using the pedals. Lexi had figured out the trike pedals but it was hard for her to reach them consistantly.

Well Lexi figured out the bike right away. She opted for Cole's red bike rather than her purple one. Should have known that! Around and around the living room she went with pride beaming from her. As she tired she would periodically whine when stuck but all in all, it was super successful. Cole gave up.

Today was a new day. We put Cole on his bike and he stuck with it out in our street. And sure enough, it was a matter of time and he got it... for the most part! He still tries to pedal backword at times which leads to some frustration.

Watching the kids struggle just to pedal the right direction actually reminds me of how it is that I struggle with the tasks in my life. The laundry, the kids, the house, the cooking, the errands, the doctor appointments, etc. And then the realization that the kids have figured out to pedal now and they don't even know that pedaling was just the beginning of what it really takes to ride the bike. They will one day have to balance without the 2 extra wheels and navigate a world of traffic, hills, and bumps. Yet they are just working so hard right now to just pedal. What does that say for me and where I am? Am I just pedaling, not even knowing that a whole balancing act and navigation process is ahead? I am sure of it. I doubt it not for a minute. Every time we master one task in our lives, the Lord presents us with a new degree to the challenge, or a new challenge all together. I suppose that is the point- to keep being challenged and grow through those experiences. Just interesting to see it all through the blind eyes of a 2 and three year old. They are so happy with their success... which I suppose is where I need to be. Happy in mine.

Christmas

This Christmas has been truly crazy... always in the chaos there is a pause to reflect on the Lord's blessings of the year and to look at what God is doing in my life going into the new year. This pause has been so different than in years past.

Celia is here. She is the new light in our lives and though sometimes she is hard to truly understand, she brings so much joy and pleasure to each day. Her case plan has not changed and there is still no certainty of how long she will be here. All we can do is love her and pray each day for more days to hold her and hug her. It has been 4 months and 2 weeks now. She told us last night that it seems like so much longer. We have just done so much together and really have gotten to know and love one another. It is amazing how quickly a family can be bound.

And of course, there are Abby and Lexi. Visits with their bio dad have resumed for now, pending the court hearing toward the end of January. These new visits have come with big backlash and the children that I had refused to acknowledge as foster children, I am once again living with the awareness staring me in my face.

Africa. The lessons and awarenesses brought to me through my trip to Africa have forever changed me for the better. The trip brought me so much closer to the Lord and to doing what it is that God would have me do in my life. I have some friends in Africa now, bringing home their children, and I am just biting at the bit to hear all about it.

So to sum up the year as God would have me see it- Back to the Basics. Faith, Family, Friends. These are honestly all I need. I do not wish to attain more than that. I actually wish I could get rid of so much of this "stuff" that society has taught me to value. So many thought I was crazy when I recently shut off my cell phone. It was so liberating. We have given our time away... our time in the car. Our time running errands. Our time on the toilet. Honestly... you all know what I am talking about. Technology robs us of our ability to just be. It robs us of our time to just pray and ponder. Doing is so much better than having. I cleaned out our garage earlier this year and intend to do this throughout the house as time allows. Is it purposeful? Is it prudent? If not- let's find someone who thinks it is and let them have it. I don't need stuff. I need God and people. Not stuff.

ANyway, I know you all have had your awakenings this year as well and hope that when you look back upon this last year that you will see a new found excitement in your life with what you have learned, too.

For this next year, I am prioritizing two trips. I want to go on a trip with my grandma and hopefully my mom. I don't care where. It is something we have been wanting to do and the opportunity hasn't worked out as we had hoped. The other trip is to Africa. I love the kids there. I feel very connected to them. I want to go back and continue to grow in those relationships. Other than a simple love for them, I am not really sure why God has me feeling so pulled back. I do not understand why it can't just be a great memory from a past trip- but it isn't. I am saving up to go back and hope to take Jason and perhaps, Celia, too (she has to be adopted first). I wish to serve at the orphanage and just love on the kids.

As for my family, I am desperately praying for the girls' adoptions to go through. I would be honored to be their mom forever. I also am working to get more ME time at home. Wish me luck on this as I have never been good at carving that out!

Love to you all. God Bless and MERRY CHRISTMAS.

Who's the Turkey??

Well, Thanksgiving is such a blessed family time. This year, like so many other things, it didn't get much thought or preparation until it was upon me. I feel like I juggle my tasks all day long, only to lye down at the end of the day and see what tomorrow may bring. It helps me to not feel overwhelmed but also robs me of the joy of anticipation for the good.

I did cook this year, and I must say, it was pretty darn good. I hopped online the day before the guests would arrive and found some amazing recipes for augratin potatoes and a recipe that Nana Fremouw had given me for some sweet potatoes that were really to die for. I made a from scratch green bean casserole and must say that though it looked decident, the canned beans just had more flavor as did the canned soup. Mine looked better but the easy stand by definately tastes better! I did some easy rise rolls and my mom brought some apples stuffing and grandma brought the pies... so where was the turkey? Not on the table! Nope- we had ham. The only turkey at the table was my grandpa whom asked grandma to leave near the end of a wild and unpredictable game of Sorry. He must have known that a defeat like that by a 12 year old diva would be just too much for her to handle!

It was a great day. And then today, we went to Dev and Belinda's for a SECOND meal. Brandy was a surprise guest from her schooling in the Navy and it was SO GREAT to see them all. It was our first time to their new home and it was really pretty and painted in nice neutrals. We jammed on rock band after stuffing ourselves to the point of being uncomfortable.

You ask, " What am I thankful for?" I have been blessed beyond comprehension in my life. My shout out first and foremost is obviously to the Lord Jesus for our salvation and the grace which has been bestowed upon us. Second, my husband. He is beyond any man I could invision and makes so many efforts every day to show me that he loves me more today than yesterday and 10 years into this dance, I wouldn't trade a day. My kids- they are perfect in every imperfection and I am SO BLESSED to still have them all in our home and to be speaking of adoption still. They are such a completion to our home. And of course, all of you- my extended family (no friends, you are extended family!) I feel loved and supported no matter how much time we have apart and I must say, there is no one who feels more blessed than I at this moment. Thank you for just being you and loving me the way you do.

God Bless and Happy Thanksgiving, you TURKEYS!!!

As the World Turns

So, I know it has been a long time since I have written. You have my appologese. It has been busy but no more than usual. Usual is plain and simply, busy.

We have had good days and bad, just as everyone. Celia has been a great addition to our home but the transition isn't always smooth. It is what we had expected and for the most part, she is really doing great. We love her very much and thank God for her every day. COle and Lexi are doing great at preschool. THey really do love it and are talking more and more all of the time. It is really fun to see what they bring home from school as their projects! Abby is my little fire cracker for sure. She is enjoying her time with me, finally. I think she was sad that school started and for a time was protesting being alone with me in the mornings. Now, she seems to enjoy the attention and running errands and helping around the house.

We went to Telle and Kristen's new place in Surprise last night. The newlyweds are doing good and I love their dog, Rusty. Kristen cooked us an amazing meal including the best dessert I have had in months!

J's work is holding out. The Lord has really protected us through this rough market. Every month we should be broke and yet, J keeps getting deals. We are really blessed to have the referalls still coming in on deals that can actually be done and we take none of them for granted.

Celia doesn't know it yet but we are moving Lexi and Abby into the same room and putting Celia into Lexi's old room. We will not be painting it or doing too much to it until we know whether she is going to be adopted but we have decided to give her a space of her own. I think she will be super excited... and Lexi's stuff will all fit nicely into the other room. Fairy princesses belong in a garden anyway, don't they?!

We are preparing to celebrate my 30th birthday at Disneyland this upcoming weekend. We are SUPER excited to go. It will be all 4 kids' first time there and J and I have not been in over 10 years so it will be like a whole new experience for us- especially seeing it through our children's eyes.

So I know that was a catch up posting but wanted to do it in the hopes of being able to log on more frequently to post. Love to you all.

Where Have I Been?

I know, it has been way too long since I last wrote. My appologese.

Most of you know that God blessed our family with a new daughter. Her name is Celia and she has been with us for 5 weeks now. She is an amazing 11 year old young lady. A gem, a true gem in all ways. She is so thoughtful of others, very polite, and is really very happy to be in our home. I love her more than I knew would be possible and though at this point she is a foster child, I can not imagine my family without her. I can not post picture of her due to her foster status, but just imagine this hispanic child with pure, dark eyes, smooth skin, mid length straight, brown hair. Her smile is infectious though in pictures she closes her mouth to smile and it loses its genuine character. She is petite but upon meeting her it is so easy to see something special and amazing within her.

So the last 5 weeks have been incredible in so many ways. And exhausting I might add. I had no idea how many appointments Celia's case manager would have for me. This child has a schedule more rigorous than most adults. She has case plan meetings, doctor evaluations, more doctor evaluations, school, counseling, and then her fun church program on Wed. nights. You would think that she would never be bored though she does not want to sit still and think about all that life has dealt her so if she finds herself sitting for more than a moment, "I'm bored" usually follows.

Cole, Lexi, and Abby think she is the greatest thing to land on this house. At first, it was fine. They followed her everywhere watching her every move and mimicing it with great precision. They went upstairs when she did just so they wouldn't lose sight of her. They would wake from a nap and ask where she was before even saying hello to me. And as I knew it would, this soon became annoying to the one being parrotted. She has found a good balance and maintains her respect toward the tots, so I am really happy with how it is all working out.

J and I also just went on a vacation to Aruba to celebrate our 10th wedding anniversary. It is hard to believe that 10 years has gone by but I am truly proud to say that it has been nothing but a pleasure to call myself "Fremouw". It was never so hard to leave for vacation as it was this time. Actually, to clarify, usually leaving on vacation is quite easy for me. I have no guilt. This time was so very different. It was during the school year which required transporting the tots to one school and Celia to another. And Celia was only with us for 3 weeks before we left. That was entirely too soon. I am not sure why God put this in the week that He did, but the whole trip I was concerned for Celia and her emotional state. She and the tots stayed with grandparents which was good and the children survived just fine- but it was really hard. It was really hard to know that so much was being put onto the grandparents while we were away, too. That was likely the hardest part.

So how was Aruba? Well, it was simply FANTASTIC! We had iguanas coming onto the beach with us! We had talking parrots greet us every day at our hotel with a pathetic plea for crackers. We had the warmest ocean water one could imagine. We ate, we shopped a little, and gambled a little as well. We slept often and layed under an umbrella on the beach for countless hours. To sow our wild oats, we did an off roading Jeep island tour and took in the views and culture. It was a great trip and ended all too soon in some ways. But it is always good to come home.

We had a few rough days getting back into the swing of things once home but we are back to "normal". I don't really like the word "normal" because in our case, controlled chaos is normal. The two words can nearly be used interchangably.

So I guess that gets you caught up on what is happening. Not so much caught up on my feelings and thoughts, just on the facts of where I have been for the last long while. I know- after reading about Africa to skip to this is a plunge into Phoenix, isn't it?! Believe me, I know. It is hard to balance the lessons of Africa with the life of Phoenix. I hope to post more soon.

So how did it end?

Well, Ethiopia was amazing. The last day was full of trying to figure out how we were going to get Kim home with Netzanette and then her realizing that though I was originally supposed to leave after her, she would be leaving the day after me. She would have to brave it alone for a day and I must say, I wasn't ready to leave her there. She was full of stress and anxiety over the embassy and paperwork and I just felt like I should be there with her until she was boarding a plane. God's plan was different than that and I had to board at 10PM that Monday night.

I went to the airport with time to spare. I was tired, but energized at the idea of heading home to see my family. I looked through the shops in the airport and found some really neat home made albums to buy for Kim as a thank you gift for an amazing time. I found the cutest tshirts there too, but decided against them as they were unbelievably expensive. I waited. I saw other adoptive families all waiting with their new family members in the terminal. I waited some more.

Finally it was time to go. My section was called and I boarded a plane for Germany and connecting through Sudan. I don't know if I mentioned it, but I discovered that just weeks prior to my departure to Africa, a plane had crashed in the rugged airport of Sudan because of the sand storm interfering with the plane engine. I had to admit, I was not looking forward to stopping in Sudan and just wanted to get on to a European nation where it just felt more familiar.

The flight went slow. I was trying to stay awake so that my nights and days could be swapped upon my arrival in Phoenix. I had brought sleeping pills and decided to take them on the leg from Germany to Chicago, thus remaining awake from Chicago into Phoenix and hopefully feeling like I could sleep once my head hit the pillow of my own bed. I only slept about 30 minutes when the plane touched down in Sudan. I was happy to have fought off the sleep my body was desperately wanting.

The plane was not full upon landing. Upon take off from Sudan, it was a different story. A darkly colored Sudanian sat next to me in our two seat row. I was against the window but offered to exchange the seat for him because he was unhappy with the way he seat reclined. I look back and what was I thinking?? He was an educated man. He was a doctor of obstetrics in Sudan and had a wife and two beautiful children. He proudly showed them to me on his cell phone. He was on his way to London to stay with friends and take some classes to further his education. He seemed nice and innocent at first. We laughed a bit, I shared my thoughts on all I had seen in Africa and he shared about Sudan and the ups and downs of African life there. He told me I should actually get off the plane next time I came through and for a moment, a short moment I now claim and temporary insanity, I thought I might. It sounded like a nice pit stop to a tired and delirious woman.

As conversation dried up and I worked to force my eyelids open, I found this man's hand on my leg. I moved my leg away and shifted my body. He told me that he liked me. That I was nice... then began to tell me about how in his country, some men take second wives. I pulled away and told him that I was a Christian and very opposed to that idea and that it was really offensive to me that any man would or could do that to a wife he loved. He, of course, agreed with me. Just like a creepy man, right? YUCK. Anyway, he then grabs my hand to hold and and continues to tell me about the women in his country. I felt a need to remain polite. I was trapped. The plane was full. I had 3 hours left to go and no way out... I pulled my hand away and used it to open my back pack to remove a book I had no interest in reading. Avoidance would be my strategy of survival and let's just say that my fear of sleeping too long on the flight was nothing to be worried about at all. I could not sleep because of the broken seat, the creep next to me, and the time zone change I was struggling to uphold.

When the plane landed, I did my best to act unterrified. Is that a word? Well, that is what I was shooting for. I waited patiently as the people filed off the plane ahead of me and made my way as I always did, until we got to the tunnel. From there, my pace exponentially increased until I was clearly on my own and heading in who knows what direction. I had time to spare so figured I would discover my location once I knew I was alone and safe to do so.

Well, (boys don't read this part!) wouldn't you know my period started. I was having cramps the last hour of the flight and the realization that all sanitary products were checked in and likely somewhere between Ethiopia and Arizona. First thing I needed to do was to change my money back into either euros or dollars. I had saved enough to get me home comfortably and to account for any missed flights, etc. I was now familiar with the airport from my trip to Ethiopia, so headed for the changing counter once I knew I was alone and free to do so. They would NOT take Ethiopian birr. I sorted through my euros from my first pass through and counted a total of 7 euros. I headed for the restroom to find a vending machine. Apparently in Germany, people are less concerned with their periods and more concerned with "welcome home sex" because tampons and pads were no where to be found in any of the machines in all three bathrooms I could find. Should I ask someone? What should I do?? I didn't know who would speak english and what they called what I needed there anyway. I opted to see if the little shop would take a credit card. I lucked out and they did. I bought my "supplies" and an applejuice. (Yes, it cost me about $35 to do so) and decided that I would not get to eat this time through Germany. I had about 2 hours before I needed to worry about my next flight at this point and knew that I would have about 3 security checks before I got to my gate. I checked to see if my flight was on time and headed in the general direction of my gate. There I found some lounge chairs in a long walkway connecting terminals.

I sat. I put my bag down beside me and pulled the last granola bar from it. I opened my magazine, cracked open my juice, and munched on my bar. My legs were out on the footrest, my seat slightly reclined and boy did it feel good to be lounging. I could see the first security check at the end of the walkway and knew that I would sit here and read until my juice was gone. It was about a $15 bottle of juice and I was NOT going to throw it in the trash because of security.

I startled myself awake, realizing that I had dozed off for a few minutes. I didn't know how long I had been out but hadn't slept hard since I had left Phoenix 9 days ago and knew it couldn't have been for long. I decided that my juice would take but a minute and if I were going to doze off, I had better be seated at my terminal to do so to insure I made my flight. I gathered my things and went to pull my passport out of my.... I had not put it in my bag. I had used it as ID for my credit card since my drivers license was not with me and had put it on the top of my magazine. It was not there. My mind raced. I knew it was not in my bag but tried to convince my tired mind otherwise and searched for it several times. I found the employee who had helped me find my gate number and asked her if she had seen it. She advised me to go to the police and I did.

What was I going to do? I was in Germany with no ID at all. My tickets were also with my passport and missing. I had no tickets for my flight. No ID. No cash that they would take and now even my credit cards were no good because my ID was gone. I was stranded. I broke down as I told the police man my situation. He made it clear that I was inferring that someone had stollen it. I knew they had. I did not move and knew where it was. I was kicking myself for closing my eyes. How did this happen to me? How?

I was advised to go and get my flight tickets reprinted and to ask them if they would allow me to board since I was heading to my native country. I knew that would not work. How would they know it was my native country? All languages reside all over these days. The line was long. I cried as I explained to the lady behind the counter what had happened and she reprinted my tickets though I heard all of the other ticketing ladies tell their clients that they were on strike and could not help them. I was thankful that she pittied me. She told me that I would need to go back to the police and get my ID back or I would be stuck.

I could hardly look the police officer in the eyes. I was so wanting to be home. I just wanted these long flights to all be over. I was exhausted and starving. He could see the panic in my face and called our department of Homeland Security. It turns out that there is an unofficial branch there in Germany and the director met me at the police station in the airport. He was James Bond, only bald, fat, and a bit cocky rather than suave. He asked me a bunch of questions and within minutes had a picture of my face sent from Texas to him on his phone. WOW! That was super sleuth. He would have to escort me all the way to the gate and I would be unable to leave. My tickets got stamped at the last ID check as having a passport and when I asked this man if I could get some documentation that all this had happened so that when I got to Chicago I would not have to go through this again, he told me simply that I could not because he and his department did not exist. I could have NOTHING from him. He wished me luck as I took my seat in the terminal.

I prayed a prayer of thanks that I was able to get back to the states. I knew I could figure it out from there. Next to me was a pay phone. I slid my credit card and called home. I needed to speak to J. I needed something familiar and reassuring and when he answered, I could not contain my tears. I cried. I cried a lot, holding nothing back. I could tell that fellow passengers were listening in but I didn't care. When I hung up the phone, I sat and propped my head against my backpack and went to sleep.

My sleep was light. I could tell that the volume of people had really picked up around me. Turns out our flight was delayed by the strike. It was delayed for 4 hours. People were on the floors, in chairs, and standing. It was hot and the mood was- not nice. I didn't care. I was so tired that I worked to get comfortable in my chair and sleep. Suddenly, I heard my name over the loud speaker. I ran to the counter within the terminal, asking the gentleman next to me to hold my seat, and I just knew there was only one reason they would be calling me. Sure enough, they had my passport! They were calling my name all over the airport for the last hour and finally tried the terminal. They knew I couldn't get into it without the ID so assumed that I would not answer, but there I was. I was overjoyed and relieved. I explained how I got in and they were happy to have helped. In the crowd of angry people, I was the one that now smiled from ear to ear. I would not have to worry about my connection in Chicago and if the plane left soon, I could make the connection.

I resumed my seat and announced to my unfriends that I was sorry but God delayed the plane so that I could get my passport back. Most didn't find it amuzing, but the gentleman next to me that had heard my phone call earlier was thrilled for me.

The flight was long and I slept nearly the whole way. I needed it, too! We arrived to complete chaos in Chicago and had to clear customs. I was told I would not make my connection and was waiting to re-ticket when I noticed that my connecting flight was also delayed by 30 minutes. It COULD be just enough time. I bolted. I boarded the tram, found my terminal, and sprinted to the security check point. There was a long line. I asked in the most pleading voice I could summons if I could go through to the security guard and was promptly denied. I was litterally dancing in my spot in line when a man got in line behind me. He offered to hold my spot while I tried again! How could I not. I had 10 minutes to clear security and get to my gate. It was looking dim. I asked the grumpy guard again. Could she not see how pathetic I was? I was dirty, smelly, puffy eyed... Her boss overheard and allowed me to the pilot line! And the pilots graciously let me cut ahead. My shoes were in the xray machine and I grabbed them. 5 minutes and counting. I flung my backpack on and ran barfooted to the furthest gate. Sweat poured. My breath was gone and my heart was pounding from the stress of the situation. I was the last passenger on as the gate doors closed behind me.

So there I was... on the plane and headed for home. So grateful to be on that plane. So grateful to be going home to a land of so much opportunity. So very grateful to be going home to a family I loved and missed so much. God was so good to get me through my trip and my flight home obstacles. It was incredibly crazy and incredibly beautiful at the same time. The last bit of the trip was really just the icing on the cake, teaching me that I AM NOT IN CONTROL and that I have nothing without Him. I get it. I got it. It is good!

School has started

Well, I am not done with my thoughts on the trip to Ethiopia but I am so slow about writing it all that I am not posting anything about real life around here. So I will now bounce back and forth.

Preschool started for both Cole and Lexi this week. I have to tell you, I don't know who is more excited about it- them or me. They are having so much fun and are so very, very excited to get on that bus and get to their class. Cole has friends that he calls by name and Lexi brought home her first homework assignment today. They are so excited to see me and "tell" me all about there day though they are really short on words at this stage of development.

Abby and I have our time together in the morning but so far most of the time the kids are at preschool (only 2. 5 hours Monday through Thursday) I have been running errands for our rental property and life in general. So many things that got put off or half done this summer while having all three kids with me virtually all of the time.

Being a stay at home mom is such a blessing. I adore my children and enjoy them very much. It does not come without negatives, too, though. I get a bit tired of whining, crying, and fighting. All three kids are so close in age and not fully able to express themselves with words so the end result is that I play mediator more than mother these days. At times I feel guilty for just wanting to put myself in time out rather than them. I try to stay consistent, knowing that this is a phase that one day I will wish I could have back. I also know that being consistent with the rules and consequences will shorten the severity and duration of the phase, or so I hope!

So it is official. School is back in session. I am a bit more sane. They are a bit more sane. And we are all excited to see their little sponge brains soak it all in.

What are my school kids doing right now:

Cole- counts to 10 but usually skips the 7, knows all of his colors, identifies many numbers and letters, knows his name, knows his teacher's name and is nearly toilet trained

Lexi- counts to 5, is an amazing artist drawing faces and coloring in objects, starting to sing "Jesus Loves Me"

Ah, it all goes by so fast!