Where Have I Been?

I know, it has been way too long since I last wrote. My appologese.

Most of you know that God blessed our family with a new daughter. Her name is Celia and she has been with us for 5 weeks now. She is an amazing 11 year old young lady. A gem, a true gem in all ways. She is so thoughtful of others, very polite, and is really very happy to be in our home. I love her more than I knew would be possible and though at this point she is a foster child, I can not imagine my family without her. I can not post picture of her due to her foster status, but just imagine this hispanic child with pure, dark eyes, smooth skin, mid length straight, brown hair. Her smile is infectious though in pictures she closes her mouth to smile and it loses its genuine character. She is petite but upon meeting her it is so easy to see something special and amazing within her.

So the last 5 weeks have been incredible in so many ways. And exhausting I might add. I had no idea how many appointments Celia's case manager would have for me. This child has a schedule more rigorous than most adults. She has case plan meetings, doctor evaluations, more doctor evaluations, school, counseling, and then her fun church program on Wed. nights. You would think that she would never be bored though she does not want to sit still and think about all that life has dealt her so if she finds herself sitting for more than a moment, "I'm bored" usually follows.

Cole, Lexi, and Abby think she is the greatest thing to land on this house. At first, it was fine. They followed her everywhere watching her every move and mimicing it with great precision. They went upstairs when she did just so they wouldn't lose sight of her. They would wake from a nap and ask where she was before even saying hello to me. And as I knew it would, this soon became annoying to the one being parrotted. She has found a good balance and maintains her respect toward the tots, so I am really happy with how it is all working out.

J and I also just went on a vacation to Aruba to celebrate our 10th wedding anniversary. It is hard to believe that 10 years has gone by but I am truly proud to say that it has been nothing but a pleasure to call myself "Fremouw". It was never so hard to leave for vacation as it was this time. Actually, to clarify, usually leaving on vacation is quite easy for me. I have no guilt. This time was so very different. It was during the school year which required transporting the tots to one school and Celia to another. And Celia was only with us for 3 weeks before we left. That was entirely too soon. I am not sure why God put this in the week that He did, but the whole trip I was concerned for Celia and her emotional state. She and the tots stayed with grandparents which was good and the children survived just fine- but it was really hard. It was really hard to know that so much was being put onto the grandparents while we were away, too. That was likely the hardest part.

So how was Aruba? Well, it was simply FANTASTIC! We had iguanas coming onto the beach with us! We had talking parrots greet us every day at our hotel with a pathetic plea for crackers. We had the warmest ocean water one could imagine. We ate, we shopped a little, and gambled a little as well. We slept often and layed under an umbrella on the beach for countless hours. To sow our wild oats, we did an off roading Jeep island tour and took in the views and culture. It was a great trip and ended all too soon in some ways. But it is always good to come home.

We had a few rough days getting back into the swing of things once home but we are back to "normal". I don't really like the word "normal" because in our case, controlled chaos is normal. The two words can nearly be used interchangably.

So I guess that gets you caught up on what is happening. Not so much caught up on my feelings and thoughts, just on the facts of where I have been for the last long while. I know- after reading about Africa to skip to this is a plunge into Phoenix, isn't it?! Believe me, I know. It is hard to balance the lessons of Africa with the life of Phoenix. I hope to post more soon.

The Phone Call Home

So there would be no shower. Kim would come soon. All that was left was to call home. You can not call directly from the phone in our room. And when the power is out, you can not call from the phone at all. I sent KB down to his home accross the court yard (pictured) to dial Jason for me. I just had to know what happened in court and knew that it would be about time that he should know.

For those of you that don't know, my daughters are not yet adopted. I use that term as a vow of optimism, but they are foster children and I just believe that 3.5 years into being blessed with the older of the siblings, that it is a matter of when and not if. After all, the hearing that I was calling to get more information on was a pre-termination hearing. If all went well, I would have so much to celebrate and a high likelyhood of an adoption in the coming few months.

My room phone buzzes. KB puts me through. Jason is happy to hear I am there and safe. I am so happy to share with him of my safe arrival. Small talk is fast and I get to the point. What happened in court?! I say it with anticipation of what I just KNEW was finally coming... and he hesitates. My heart sank. He didn't even have to say it. I was ready to vomit. I sank to the floor and fought back the tears. I couldn't fight them back for long. How was it that there was STILL no good news to be had.

It wasn't just a lack of good news, it was a deliverance of bad news. The pretermination case plan has been changed. The prosecutor no longer feels that he can ask the courts to sever the parental rights and we are back where we started with having to re-establish cause for severance. I sobbed. I tried to keep it together knowing that every minute we were on the phone was costing $1 at this point... what more was there to say? Nothing. We hung up.

I layed down in my unusual bed of 4 inch foam and no box spring. I cried until I fell asleep knowing that once Kim got there, she would give me the hug I much needed. This rocked me to the core. I was tired, dirty, hungry, and weak. And none of it even mattered to me at that moment...

On behalf of this foster boy

I sit here tonight fighting back tears as I write. It doesn't take much for me to cry these days. It is rather normal, common, and quite pathetic in many cases. But tonight it is for good reason that I feel like crying. I am so grateful for my family. I know many people say this and think they mean it. Yet their actions aren't those of deep appreciation when they cheat on their spouses, beat their kids, buy toys and not food, etc. I don't want this to be a judgement, I just feel that our life experience have lead to a very deep appreciation. And having a spouse that has been through it all with me... I just feel so incredibly blessed.

Yet this is NOT the point. Or the reason for my emotions. Nor the reason that it is 20 past 11 and I am up and writing this now. My good friend Lynn has a foster child from an Indian Reservation and through their foster care system. He is an amazing, now 6 year old boy. He has a life shortening disease called cystic fybrosis and Lynn brough him home now nearly 4 years ago and has loved him as her own. She brought him from a state of near death to a thriving member of their large and connected family. So that is the backround. And tonight- she asks for all our prayers. This child has had a case plan that was supposed to lead to adoption for about 2 years now. And instead of a severance hearing and an adoption date, she is getting word that there will now be BM visitation starting regularly. Yes, that is right. 4 years later, and visitations will be starting. She is being told to be prepared for her son to be removed and put into a family of which he knows no one.

Of course this story rings too close to home for me with my girls. You may have noticed that there are no pictures of my girls on my blog. They can not be until they are adopted (I speak as if it is a matter of when and not if, as Lynn once also spoke of her son). I went through a time where my girls' case plan looked grim at best. I was a wreck. And as soon as I could see some blue sky through the clouds, I GRABBED ON! And I am still holding on to the hopes and prayers that "THE COURT HEARING" will sometime happen. If I hadn't this hope, I would be just lost. I would go through my days as I once did and I will not do that again. I can not.

I love this boy. I love Lynn. I love her whole family. And I hate the system. Raising the children is the easy part. Meeting their "special needs" is CAKE compared to dealing with courts and case plans. What will it be like parenting without the burden of courts and case plan? I can not say that I know. I can only say that I hope to know soon.

Please take a moment and say a prayer for Lynn and her LAST unadopted child. Lynn is tired and needs strength. And if you could, please add my girls to the list. The system is so broken and these children need mercy. They deserve it.

Where Fate and Faith Collide- Here we are!

Where to even begin? How did it all begin? I suppose it began when I met the love of my life in high school. His name was Jason. He was like no man that had caught my eye before. Some of that is good, and other wasn't though it worked out for good. He was tall, a little ungroomed, sweet and proper in every way, and a bit quirky as well! He was a "college boy" and I was entering my senior year. I got to know him and understand him. And three months into dating, I knew that I loved him like I had never loved before. It was only a short year and a half later that we "young pups" took the leap of faith and got married. And so it began-

We are now going on our tenth wedding anniversary. Ten short years that have flown by at record speed. Ten years filled with so much love. So many memories. Ten years or triumph and turmoil. But never a day without unconditional love and the blessings of Christ.

I guess I always knew that Jason and I would be happily married. I was young at only 19 years of age when we married, yet never once considered that our marriage would fail. There were many warnings that I was just naive, but in the end, it was right back then and it is right RIGHT now.

We found ourselves in the midst of a struggle with infertility only a few years into our marriage. At the time, we felt cursed. Now we feel blessed. Our struggles lead us to an amazing adoption agency and to our precious son, Cole.

Cole was delivered in November of 2004. He was born happy and healthy and remains the same. He honestly has the happiest disposition and is an easy going three year old for the most part. His birth mom is also amazing and has become a dear part of our family, along with his birth grandparents. We have welcomed them all and they have done the same for us. There is so much love surrounding this boy that it couldn't help but to flow out amongst the rest of us connected by him.

When Cole was only 5 months old, he was joined by our first foster child. Her name is Lexi. She was born early and in need of special care. All babies require special care, but this level of care was more than most. She was so small, and so fragile. And so AMAZING from the very beginning. She was also easy going. We were immediately in love. Her birth family was sorting out their "issues" and still is three years later which is leading us to believe that one day in the near future, we will get the amazing priveledge of adopting her, too.

And then again, thirteen months later, Lexi had a biological sister born. We call her Abby. Abby joined us at only 2 days old and has added that spice that our family needed. She was showered with attention from her brother and sister as well as the rest of the family. This is attention that she has learned to love.

So here we are today. Jason and I are now proud parents to 2 three year olds and a nearly two year old. Blessed to be surrounded by the love of family and friends reaching beyond bloodlines and into heart strings. We wake up knowing what a full day is ahead and close our eyes after thanking God with such a sense of joy and peace about all we have been entrusted with.

So Where Fate and Faith Collide pretty much sums it up. It was our fate and destiny to fall in love, find our babies, and tackle the struggles of every day life- all guided by our faith in our Lord above. Thus, here it is... written out for you and me to ponder over. Who would have thought that it would all look like this? And yet it does? Where will another 10 years bring?